Maybe this time
by Bleach-ed-Na-tsu
Summary: It may be too much to assume that Tsuna was automatically and perfectly able to cope with everything Reborn gave and took away from him.


**Summary**: It may be too much to assume that Tsuna was automatically and perfectly able to cope with everything Reborn gave and took away from him.

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Maybe this time.

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There was a point in time when he thought he could live for himself and not have to worry about others. It was quite a nice time, no one was trying to kill him or his friends, no one expected anything of him and his most stressful moment was trying to confess to the girl he loved. Sure he was bullied and his mother insulted him daily; but he learnt to cope with that rather well. He was till free to play video games, and there was never any _real_ repercussion for him failing school. He was peaceful and for the most part stress free; depressed and in agony, but free.

Sometimes he despised his friends- it hurt him so much to say do but they did- because he had to stress over them, over their lives and their actions, now he had to make sure they were safe and that he could save or heal them. He worried about someone hiring a sniper to end their life, or about them being reckless and killing themselves. He has a huge family to take care of and an image to uphold because of his relation to the first boss.

He wasn't necessarily being ungrateful, he loved his friends with his whole heart, and besides being his mafia famiglia they were heart and soul his family. If he needed support he got it ten-fold from everyone –in their own ways. He was never alone to eat, he was never without company. He was so happy to talk with someone and enjoy life with them. He wasn't bullied; he never had to be afraid of rejection. Everyone in his family loved him and he loved them.

Having friends definitely had more perks than not. The years of torture at the hands of the bullies, the bruises and scrapes were bad enough, but the psychological wounds ran far deeper than anyone- maybe even Tsuna- even knew. The scars from such wounds were clearly visible, if you looked far enough. So Tsuna would never choose to go back to a life of a shield-less 'Dame-Tsuna'. Never. That didn't mean that having friends was all sunny.

Because when you had to look at yet _another_ member of your famiglia be buried, or had to read a new report telling you that this or that guardian was in a coma because of a near-fatal wound, well, Tsuna wouldn't say that having friends was worth the sheer heart ache they brought with them.

The training, the expectation, and the sheer gloating look his father wore whenever anyone praised Tsuna. It all tore at him. More than once Tsuna had escaped to one of Vongola's secluded training bays and simply destroyed the place with flames that closely resembled Xanxus' own.

He hated to think that he was becoming everything they- as teenagers- had fought to avoid. He was becoming unfeeling towards blood and death, he was outraged with failure. He was becoming a Mafioso and he hated it with every fibre of his Dame being.

Then there was the newest weight. The Vongola-hunt. A fucking hunt for all and any member –official or not- of Vongola. This time, it may actually be his fault too.

It was all too much. For in the space of a year to have friends, expectation, threats-on-your-life and your own psychological healing going on were enough, for anyone. To have all that threatened because of mistakes form your youth? That drove Tsuna back into the dark place where no one saw him to try to relieve the stress and depression and pent up sadness that left scars no one could see- because he was too careful for that.

As much as Tsuna wanted to wake up, wanted his younger self to succeed and make a future without a world-dominating psycho where his friends could be safe, part of Tsuna didn't ever want to wake up and face the world again.

As he walked toward a the meeting room where he would 'bleed out' without the presence of his family and friends Tsuna had to wonder whether this time, this attempt would finally end it all for him. Maybe this time would be different from all the times before that had left scars along his stomach and thighs. Maybe this time the blood would not stop running.

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**Again... angst + me = fail DX**

**SO a Tsuna angsty thing this time... Please again give me some criticism... because I want to improve... that's the point...**

**Thank you very much!**

**~~Bleach-ed-Na-tsu :3**


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